Not a Perky Day
by MireliAmbar
Summary: You can't always be at your perky best when death surrounds you. Even Sigrun has an off day now and then. One-shot featuring Varlan Vollney. Follow on from 'Reading People'


_This one-shot is set approximately 6 months after my previous one-shot called 'Reading People'. Sigrun in this story is not her usual perky self but she has good reason. As in the previous story, Varlan Vollney also features and I change to his POV in the second section. _

_NB: This version of Sigrun is based very much on my character I play in a RP server. So she has a brother and mother that she left behind. There is very little information on Sigrun's past life so I had to come up with something that would fit._

_Thanks to Ladyamesindy for being my quick but wonderful beta for this._

The Legion of the Dead camped near the Aeducan Thaig that night. After the ambush, they needed to re-group and remember. A female dwarf by the name of Roni was dragged away by the group of darkspawn who attacked them. She was a petite (even by dwarven standards) but mouthy flame-haired dwarf, who had only been with them for four months. Once Sigrun and her had got over their initial differences, they got on pretty well. In fact, of all the other female Legion, she considered Roni to be her closest female friend. But Sigrun knew what happened to women who were dragged away by the darkspawn: _Broodmothers._ Sigrun didn't see what happened to Roni, she was at the back fighting a genlock with a bad attitude. Varlan was the one who told her, holding her by the shoulders, the one who said there was just too many of them. They had no choice but to retreat.

"_No!_ We have to go after them, they have Roni, we have to..." As soon as she said it, she knew it was too late. Even if they could fight their way through the numerous amounts of darkspawn, at least four times as strong in numbers as they were, Sigrun knew she would probably be tainted by now. And if she was tainted there was nothing anyone could do. Nothing but a one on one with a sharp blade.

She pushed Varlan away, not wanting him to see her cry. She'd not cried when Beraht used her. She had barely shed tears when leaving her mother and brother in Dust Town after joining the Legion. She was sodding damned if she was going to start crying in front of some jumped up noble.

"Let's go." She sheathed her daggers and joined the rest of the party, leaving Varlan standing, mouth open.

The Legion fought a sparse group of darkspawn, despatching them quickly. They pitched camp near the Aeducan thaig, in a room with only one entrance to minimise attack from darkspawn. They pitched up camp and as soon as she could Sigrun slipped away. She found a room in one of the old houses. She booted the locked door open, giving her a moment to vent her hurt and anger on the door, slamming it shut as her eyes adjusted to the gloom.

She settled her bedroll in a corner of the room among the dirt. She didn't care, she just wanted to be away from the group, their memories of Roni. She needed to be _alone_.

#=#=#

Varlan finally found her in a dusty corner of the thaig. He knew she was upset, saw her unshed tears for Roni and knew she didn't want to be with him, with _anyone_ while she cried. She had sobbed herself to sleep and was making small whimpering sounds, lying on her side. Varlan crawled onto the bedroll behind her and touched her narrow waist.

"Sigrun, I've been looking for you." He knew she had heard him.

Silence. No response. "Sigrun, please. Talk to me, I'm here to speak to you."

He lay down behind her, put his arm round her shoulder between her head and the bedroll, which she accepted grudgingly. She sniffed.

"Roni was one of my closest friends, the closest female friend I've ever had." She whispered hoarsely. "I'm not the kind of female that other women get close to. I'm more comfortable with the company of men." Varlan listened, the amount of times they had talked, he knew exactly what she meant.

"She might have had a mouth on her and said what she thought but she was _honest_." He assumed that was refreshing after her years of being around the double-speak of the Carta, "When you told me she was dragged away...I just wanted to run after her. She was a good friend to me, she would have my back during many a fight." He heard Sigrun smack the stone next to her with the flat of her hand, "So if she had my back all these times, why wasn't I _THERE_ for her!" She yelled, sitting up putting her head in her hands, resting her hands on her knees.

"Siggy, you can't protect everyone in the Legion. I know you would love to at times but sometimes you have to fight battles. Alone." Varlan put his arm round her shoulders and kissed her hair, pulling her towards his shoulder.

"I should have been there, Varlan. Instead, I was selfishly fighting my own battle." He saw a tear glint in the slight light coming in through the door. He reached over and kissed her damp tear-stained cheek lightly. Lifting her chin, he kissed her lips, the first time he had kissed her properly in the months he had known her. He heard her gasp but she responded. The light kiss soon turned to a more passionate one that sent his head spinning.

"Promise me something." Sigrun lifted her head and looked Varlan straight in the eyes. Her steel blue met his deep brown.

"If it's in my power to give you something, you know I would do, Sigrun." _I wonder if she knows I would give her the whole of Orzammar if it were mine to give..._

"If I get..If I get taken by darkspawn and you find me, knowing I'm tainted... _don't let me live." _He heard the tears in her voice. Sigrun was such an upbeat person, a positive, '_I want to live'_ type of person that for her to ask that must have been hard.

"I don't want to be a Broodmother." She looked down as she said it. Varlan had seen these monstrous creatures and to think that at one time they had been women not too long previous... No wonder the women in their party were sometime sick after seeing the bloated grotesqueness of these..._things_.

"If there is no other way, I will do this." He met his lips to hers and they carried on their kiss. She moved onto his lap and his hands began to wander up her back. He moved her away.

"Sigrun, we can't do this. Not now, I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you." It was the thing he had hankered for ever since he realised he had feelings for her. Varlan was never a man to take advantage of a woman, even when he lived in the Diamond district.

She grabbed his hand, saying "You can't take advantage of me if I want this too. I need you to make me _forget."_ He felt her kiss his hand and run her teeth over the pad of his thumb. His pulse raced as he pulled Sigrun to him, kissing her deeply.

#=#=#

Afterwards, they lay in a post-passion haze. Sigrun lay with her head on Varlan's chest, hearing his heart beat while he stroked her hair.

"Sigrun?" She heard his voice rumble deep in his chest. That had been the first thing she had noticed about Varlan, his voice. He could have read out the Shaperate records and dammit, she would have listened to him.

"Hmm?" She lifted her head, her eyes meeting his. He looked contented, a small smile playing about his lips.

"Did I distract you enough, Siggy?" He ran his rough hand over her shoulder and down her smooth back as far as he could reach.

"Just a bit. I will really miss Roni, but I know that's all part of being a member of the Legion. We live and we die fighting Darkspawn." She paused for a moment, as she traced the sparse hair on his chest, "You know, what I asked before...I would only ask you to do it as a last chance."

"And I would only do it if I really had to. I don't want to kill the woman I love, after all." She listened to him yet it took a few moments for his words to sink in. As a duster, no-one ever used that L word on her before. 'Like' and' Lust after', yes but Love? You had to have money to Love someone, that's what her bitter mother used to say.

"I didn't know you felt like that, Varlan." She swallowed, hard, willing herself not to cry again. He chuckled at her shocked response, "In Dust Town, people don't say that to each other. Life is tough enough without building hopes up and making empty promises." She hoped he would understand.

"I am not a Duster though. And where I'm from, if you love someone, you tell them. Sigrun_, I love you. _There has only ever been one other woman I told and she didn't return my feelings. If you don't feel the same way now, that's fine but I'm hoping you will _grow _to love me." He lifted himself and kissed her on the forehead.

She thought about her feelings towards him. She had never been in love with anyone before though she thought she might have come close once or twice. Ever since Varlan Vollney had taught her to read, she knew she had feelings for him. Assuming he only liked her as a friend, she shoved those feelings away. But every time she saw him smile at her or teamed up to help her kill darkspawn, she knew she was done for. Smitten even.

"I've never said this to anyone before but...Varlan, I'm pretty sure I love you too. At least as far as I know." _Stop Sigrun, before you dig a big enough hole to fit a bronto's head through._ She was a dead woman – what difference did her having a relationship with a noble man make?

He smiled and kissed her, as if knowing the internal struggle she was having.

"Well, we may as well stay here for the night." They kissed good night, him behind her, spooned together.

As she drifted off to sleep, she heard him say."Goodnight, my beautiful duster."

As sleep claimed her, she had a smile on her face, the first while asleep, in many months.


End file.
